The Baby and the Decision

Well the arrival of my teacher's baby at school was one of strange joy. Seeing such a tiny helpless creature sleeping so soundly and trustingly in the arms of a friend was a curious feeling. It warmed even my cold dead heart, for no longer then an hour it must be said, but enough for me to realise that James' prophesy (that if i never endeavoured to love others I would grow into an old and embittered woman) was not set in stone.

For you see I am on a quest to prove that I can be a good person. Do not get me wrong. I am not evil by any means. I dont set fire to cats' tails, sell children to the sex industry or am inititiated into a murderous cult. No... I am just young and seem to make cruel and heartless decisions about the people who love me. Unfortunately adulthood is being thrust upon me with such tremendous force, that I realise I must change my behavour.

Now one might think my recent decision is counter productive when it comes to meeting my long term aims. But telling a poor fool who is either...



1. In Love with Me (though cheating on me with my best friend must be one of the most original declarations of devotion I have ever heard).



2. Wanting a Quick Shag ( more likely then the above but he has been too persistant and dragged through such cruelty, admittedly by my own hands, for him to only look at me).



3. Socially Inept (It sells itself)



... that I never really wanted him and that all I ever wanted was to see how much he would grovel for my forgiveness. Cruel, yes. But surely by now that point would be obvious.

How does this make me a better person? A fine question, and in all honestly it does not. With exams in a few weeks and college in a few months I want a new start. And that means cutting out the old and bringing in the new. Please be reassured that I tried to do this gently and I did manage to weave some beautiful white lies to ease his pain. But understandably he is still enraged and quite frankly pissed off.

But seeing that beautiful and pure baby has made me determined to try and be a better person. Starting from tomorrow...